Recovering From Spiritual Abuse

What to Expect

Home / BDSM / BDSM Basics / Abuse or BDSM / Types of Abuse / Spiritual Abuse / Recovery

At the base level, spiritual abuse is a deep violation of trust; such violations are not easy to heal from and they can take time. There is no need to rush yourself through recovering and it's important that you take the time to address the emotions around your experience and work through them. It is important to go through the steps at your own pace and be honest with where you are at with it. Rushing yourself through the process before you're ready will not help you to feel balanced and can compound any feelings that arise in future situations where you encounter religion, religious authorities, or consider joining another religious organization. It is also key to surround yourself with a good support structure where you feel safe to discuss what you're going through, whether this is family, friends, a support group, or a professional counselor (Budd, 2014).

Emotional Grieving When Recovering From Spiritual Abuse

Walking away from spiritual abuse can strongly shake your religious beliefs as well as alienate you from a community and friends that you thought were your closest confidants. When you have that bonding history with members of your religious group the loss of that bond is devastating. An important step in recovering from a spiritually abusive situation is grieving the loss of those friends and community that many people are no longer welcome at. Grieving this loss is similar to the type of grief people feel when death has touched their life. The complete sense of loss is similar and many people cannot connect with their previous spiritual community any more than they can communicate with the dead. Take the time to grieve this loss.

You may find that your feelings during this time of grief may go through the identified 5 Stages of Grief. The important thing to remember with these stages is that you may not move through them in a particular order and it is common for many people to re-visit a stage before moving into another.

Denial

This is commonly the first stage of the grief cycle and helps us stay together while we experience the initial loss. It is common for the world to feel overwhelming or meaningless. You may also feel numb (Kessler & Kübler-Ross, 2009)

Anger

As the feelings of numbness begin to wear off, questions will raise about how this could have happened or how you could have been treated in such a way. At the core, we feel vulnerable and without control but with all the overwhelming emotions and intensity we feel over the loss, we are not ready to admit that we are vulnerable so we react with anger (Axelrod, 2016). The anger may be very intense and can extend to anyone or anything you come in contact with. Acknowledging this anger is the best way to help move past this stage (Kessler & Kübler-Ross, 2009).

Bargaining

When we hit the bargaining stage, we just want life to return to what it was before our traumatic experience. It is common for people to try to rationalize some truce or exchange in order to return to the last point where we felt safe and secure (Kessler & Kübler-Ross, 2009).

Depression

During the depression stage our attention is focused very much on our current situation and all of our negative emotions regarding the loss. We may feel intense sadness or withdraw from normal life activities. Many people wonder what value there is in going on. It is important to remember that this stage is natural, normal, and these feelings will pass (Kessler & Kübler-Ross, 2009). You are grieving a loss of an important piece of your life. Even though it was an unhealthy situation, that doesn't mean that you do not feel the loss.

Acceptance

This stage should not be confused with feeling ok or saying that the situation you left was ok. This stage is about accepting the reality of what has happened and learning to live with it. This is the stage where we adjust to the new way our life is and begin to live again and enjoy our lives. You may never replace what was lost but you can make new and healthy connections as well as other meaningful relationships (Kessler & Kübler-Ross, 2009).

Giving an Outlet to Your Experience

Since spiritual abuse is one of the less widely recognized forms of abuse, do not be disheartened if not all of your loved ones understand what you have been through (Williams, 2012). Don't let that stop you from seeking support. Having a safe space where you can express yourself and the variety of emotions you are going through is a crucial part of recovery. Talking about your experience can be a difficult and large step since a big part of the system of spiritual abuse is the threat to avoid discussing what's going on (Hilderbrant, 1997).

Aside from connecting with loved ones, you can search for support groups in your community or the online community to share your experiences and receive support. You might also wish to connect with a professional counselor for more focused support.

Support Spiritual Abuse Recovery

If you know someone who is recovering from an abusive situation, do your best to be supportive and foster a safe environment for them to work through their emotions. The more that we create space for people to discuss spiritual abuse, the less likely that it will be able to persist and traumatize other people. We all need to do our part to end abuse in our world.

Written May 18, 2016

ads by AdXpansion

Article References

Axelrod, J. (2016). The 5 Stages of Loss & Grief. Retrieved 05 17, 2016, from Psych Central: http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

Budd, E. M. (2014). Recovery from Religious Abuse. Retrieved 05 17, 2016, from Cult Awareness & Information Centre: http://www.culthelp.info/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=57&Itemid=7

Caliri, H. (2015). Spiritual Abuse Is Real. Here’s How to Recover. Retrieved 05 18, 2016, from Relevant: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/church/spiritual-abuse-real-heres-how-recover

Exit & Support Network. (2010). Common Emotional Difficulties. Retrieved 05 18, 2016, from Exit & Support Network: http://exitsupportnetwork.com/recovery/emotdiff.htm

Hilderbrant, S. (1997). Recovery from Spiritual Abuse. Retrieved 05 18, 2016, from Darkness to Light: http://www.dtl.org/cults/article/abuse.htm

Kessler, D., & Kübler-Ross, E. (2009). The 5 Stages of Grief. Retrieved 05 17, 2016, from Grief: Because Love Never Dies: http://grief.com/the-five-stages-of-grief/

Williams, D. M. (2012). Recovery After Exiting a Spiritually Abusive Group. Retrieved 05 18, 2016, from Exit & Recovery Network: http://exitsupportnetwork.com/recovery/recover.htm

Image References

Someone else's art deserves recognition! The images presented in this article were borrowed from the following places:

Header Image: http://i1.wp.com/www.readingremy.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/Recovery.png | Retrieved May 18, 2016