Rights of a Submissive

Just because there is an agreement between a submissive and dominant for the exchange of power does not mean that submissives do not retain certain rights. The parameter of where these rights lie will vary for each relationship dynamic. Obviously those engaged in a single session will have different parameters than a couple engaged in a 24/7 lifestyle D/s relationship but despite which type of dynamic it is important to decide and acknowledge the rights of the submissive

What Rights Are Retained?

The basic starting point for any D/s interaction, the submissive has certain liberties that must be respected by the dominant. These boundaries are important and many of them are the responsibility of the submissive to communicate to their partner to ensure safe and consensual play.

The first right is to set limits on the severity or type of play and to have those limits respected (Kneer, 1995). While it can be hot to play the slave with no say in what depravities are enacted upon their body, it must be acknowledge as the fantasy it is. The submissive must communicate their restrictions and consent on what happens to their body because a failure to do so would be abuse and not risk aware consensual kink.

Along with the expectation to set limits, the submissive retains the right to adjust those limits and to use safewords at any time (Kneer, 1995). While a good Dominant will monitor their submissive and will be able to gage their needs, the submissive has the power to use their chosen safewords to halt play if necessary or needed.

The submissive has the absolute right to clear communication. While the presentation and structure of that exchange of communication may change, there should be an avenue of conversation for the submissive to converse on their needs, desires, and expectations. The thoughts and ideas of the submissive should command a certain amount of respect and consideration from the Dominant (Kneer, 1995).

Finally, the submissive retains the important right to walk away (Kneer, 1995). Despite what agreement exists between a Dominant and submissive, the submissive always has the prerogative to exit the relationship or scene. Submission should never be coerced in earnest.

Negotiation Sets the Boundaries

How many rights are suspended should be appropriate for the relationship that you and your partner have. The longer a couple have engaged in rewarding safe play with each other, the more likely it is safer to shift more power to the Dominant. It is important to note that not everyone, Dominants or submissives, will want to suspend many rights of the submissive in the scene. How much power is exchanged should be in line with the preferences and comfort of you and your partner. The key to a rewarding relationship is solid communication and knowing what you want out of your relationship.

Recommended Reading

If you are wanting to learn more about being a submissive, the following books have been reviewed by Keeping it Kinky and among our recommended reading on this topic.

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