Choosing Attributes: Personality
What is Personality
Personality is an important key in any interpersonal interaction so it is something that must be considered for kink relationships as well.
Personality is considered to be made up of the combination of typical patterns of feelings, actions, thoughts, and behaviors that contribute to the uniqueness of a person; these attributes are observed in a regular fashion and across a variety of situations. Personality is more than just behavior and actions as it can be seen in every interpersonal interaction (Cherry, 2011).
Why is Personality Important When Choosing a Partner
You should choose someone who meshes with your personality and you feel comfortable with. There are many players that report having more satisfying relationships with those that they feel a certain amount of chemistry and sexual attraction for, even if they do not have a relationship beyond BDSM & friendship. However this is not always the case. One of my former submissives is a fine young man with an exclusive sexual preference for the same gender. While there was no sexual attraction between us, our BDSM relationship was fulfilling and consistently continued to push the boundaries of his normal comfort levels with the strength of the trust and comfort we had fostered. It is more important that you are able to connect with your play partner with open communication and trust.
Personality is One Part of the Puzzle
Aside from a good personality fit, for safety, it is a good idea to understand the prospective player's ethics for life in general; this will give you a grasp on their BDSM ethics. Personality will factor into their play style and preferences and these are other considerations you should consider in your decisions about your future relationship.
Article References
Brame, D. G. (2000). Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide to Kinky Sex. New York: Rockefeller Center.
Cherry, K. (2011). What Is Personality?. Retrieved 12 06, 2011, from About.com: http://psychology.about.com/od/overviewofpersonality/a/persondef.htm
Easton, D., & Hardy, J. W. (2003). The New Topping Book. Eugene: Greenery Press.
Kaldera, R., & Tenpenny, J. (2011). Real Service. Hubbardston: Alfred Press.
Rinella, J. (1999). Seeking Partners. Retrieved 11 30, 2011, from Leather N Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/generalbdsm/rinellaseeking.htm
Salon's Kitty. (2011). Choosing a Mistress. Retrieved 12 03, 2011, from Salon's Kitty: http://salonkittys.com/salonkittys/choosing_a_mistress.shtml
Image References
Someone else's art deserves recognition! The images presented in this article were borrowed from the following places:
Header Image: http://www.bigbrandsystem.com/wp-content/uploads/find-your-brand-personality.jpg | Retrieved April 5, 2015
Image 4: http://www.neiljashworth.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/personality-development.bmp | Retrieved September 3, 2011