How to Meet Your Fetish Partner

Great! So you have a better idea on whom and what you are looking for... Now where do you look? There is no one place that is a shoe in to meet your ideal partner so you may spend some time looking. A number of resources are available to help connect you with your BDSM community and this is fairly essential to finding a partner. By connecting and becoming known within your local community, you can also establish a reputation for being a safe and respectable player and this can make finding a partner easier. So where can you go to connect with your community?

Online

You would not be reading this article if you had not already accessed online material so here is a good place to start. Online sites provide you with the ability to keep your BDSM lifestyle more under the radar for those of you who are concerned with your preferences being known by family, friends, or employers.

The virtual community has its advantages and disadvantages. It allows you to connect to a wider sample of kinky people from all over the world. You can discuss ideas, fantasies, technique, connect with like-minded individuals, flirt, and accelerate your personal growth and knowledge. This can all be done anonymously to protect your identity if you are still unsure or unable to be open with your choices in your life (Easton & Hardy, 2003).

The thing to be aware of when interacting with the online community is that due to the anonymous nature of it, some people are less accountable for what they say or do and may be inclined to "flame" or spread internet gossip (Easton & Hardy, 2003).

That being said, the following are a list of various kinky social network sites (some free, some not). These sites all have their own strengths and weaknesses and it is suggested that you decide for yourself which, if any, you choose to become a member of based on your needs and desires.

Fetlife
Collar Me
Kinky Space
Kink Culture
BDSM Date Link
BDSM Dating
UK BDSM Date
Gay BDSM Date
BDSM Date

 

Munches

A... what? If this was your first thought, you are not alone.

A munch is an informal get together of kinky people to discuss ideas and interests, usually at a restaurant or some other casual spot (Easton & Hardy, 2003). Most places that have a BDSM community will at least have a munch or two in a month, if not more. Check out the social networking sites and local kink stores in your area for listing of when and where the munch will take place. This can be an excellent way to meet some kinksters in your community.

Another quick way to find a munch in your area is check out Findamunch.com. They provide you with munch groups all around the world. If you know a munch in your area that isn't found on this website, encourage the local organizer to include a listing on this site and help out those who are looking for places to connect with the kinky community.

Educational Groups

Many communities have groups or events that focus on teaching BDSM and hold regular workshops. This can be a great way to meet kinksters of varying experience as well as expand your knowledge. There is also usually time to mingle and meet others at these events but it is important not to go to one of these events expecting to find sex. The atmosphere is typically very respectful and disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated (Brame, 2000).

Fetish Clubs/Events

There is also always the club scene to meet new people. Leather bars and fetish nights can be a fun way to meet a new partner for those interested in clubbing. Once again you will have to check your local listings to see what events run in the area. It can also be beneficial to inquire about those events with friends or on online forums and communities as each event will have its own feel. If you attend an event and don't like the atmosphere of the evening, don't give up but try a different event in your community.

Remember Good Behavior

No matter how you choose to engage with your community to find your fetish partner, it is important to remember that you conduct yourself respectfully and ethically. Your actions towards others will be remembered by members of the kink community and given the nature of BDSM and the need to watch out for potential abusers, bad behaviour is not tolerated. You want to approach your potential partner with courtesy and respect.

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