Types of Aftercare

What type of aftercare is appropriate will vary depending on the scene and the relationship between the two players. The best aftercare is tailored to the particular scene and people. The whole point of aftercare is to help you and your partner return to a more normal world state of mind and battle any negative feelings of play drop. Choosing what makes you or your partner comfortable and achieve this is crucial otherwise there is no point to doing the aftercare.

Physical Aftercare

Physical care is the most obvious and immediate part of aftercare. This can include considerations such as:

• Removing your partner from all BDSM paraphernalia (M, 2012)
• Attending to any first aid concerns (mohawkdaddy, 2013)
• Providing access to food or drink (BedroomBondage, 2013)
• Providing a warm blanket/clothing (Peyton , 2013)
• Minimizing (or maximizing depending on bottom preference) marks through use of creams such as Arnica (for bruises) (Logan, 2013) or ice to reduce inflammation
• Providing a quiet place to sit, lie down, curl up, cuddle together (Raymond, 2014)
• Cater to the comfort of all 5 senses, such as controlling light and smells (KinkRealm)
• Physical contact such as kissing, cuddling, stroking of skin or hair (obviously appropriate to the relationship with your play partner) (BedroomBondage, 2013)
• Ensuring enough time has passed before letting your partner drive (Dexter, 2012)

Emotional Aftercare

Emotional or mental aftercare is equally important and can be more difficult for some. This can include considerations such as:

• Good communication about the scene. Discuss good and bad points of your experience, be open to hearing your partner’s feelings
• Provide assurance that your partner is not disgusting or to be ashamed of their kink (mohawkdaddy, 2013)
• Checking in with your partner a few days after the scene to ensure no lingering negative emotions (Lauren, 1998).

How to Choose

Aftercare should be discussed prior to a play session to determine what type of aftercare both players are comfortable with and in need of. This time should not be a non-negotiated time to grope or push the boundaries of your partner (M, 2012). This is a strong case of different strokes for different folks; there is not a single catch all best approach to aftercare. Some people use BDSM to get through a hardship in their life and after the scene is over they need to cry, yell, be alone (St. John, 2012). If this is a normal reaction you have after a session, be clear to communicate this to your partner as they may be confused or think that something is wrong. If your partner tells you that this is their need of aftercare do not be offended, often people become over-sensitized and need quiet time to rebalance.

It is also important to note that even with the same play partner, they may require a different form of aftercare depending on their emotional state and life circumstances. Also if you are playing with someone else’s partner at a party or public event, they may wish to do aftercare with their partner.

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