What Makes a Good Dominant
If just beginning on the road to domination, take some time to figure out your primary kinks and interests, and then take time to learn about them. Some forms of BDSM have higher risk and you should have a strong knowledge base in them and practicing as much as possible for the safety of yourself as well as your partner prior to engaging in a scene.
A good dominant has a number of important characteristics, each as important as the last. A D/s relationship, despite any outward appearances, is a two-way street and a good dominant is able to give strong, satisfying direction to their submissive that is more than self-centered commands (Nala, 2001).
A good dominant is able to accept the desires and realities of themselves as well as their submissive. They are able to communicate effectively about those needs, desires, and limitations with honesty and respect (Shadowborne, 1997). They should be able to state their desires and preferences in a way that is respectful, consistent and straightforward (Payne, 1999). Dominants are people too and must be able to realize and be honest about their limitations and shortcomings. They also need to be aware of dom headspace and drop and be prepared for their own emotional reaction. Their dominance is inherent and a powerful command of devotion while maintaining an ethical and respectful demeanor (Shadowborne, 1997).
A first-rate dominant is able to understand the psychological and emotional evolution of their submissive and provide the appropriate support. Because of the potential intensity of a BDSM relationship, there is a lot of potential for emotional, intellectual, and spiritual growth. If the relationship develops rapidly, the rush of augmentation may be overwhelming. A good dominant should be patient and sensitive to this process (Shadowborne, 1997).
They are able to reliably and infallibly abide by the agreement laid between the dominant and submissive; there should be no question of loyalty or trustworthiness (Shadowborne, 1997). They should hold the best interests of the submissive in mind at all times, protecting the submissive even against themselves in moments of extreme play should it be necessary (Saber, 2001).
Another important characteristic is personal responsibility. The dominant should be serious enough to understand the consequences of the play and be prepared and able to accept responsibility for any potential outcomes. They should be able to exercise appropriate self control for themselves as well as for their submissive (Shadowborne, 1997).
Recommended Reading
If you are wanting to learn more about being a dominant, the following books have been reviewed by Keeping it Kinky and among our recommended reading on this topic.
Article References
Kaldera, R., & Joshua, T. (2009). Dear Raven & Joshua: Questions & Answers about M/s Relationships. Hubbardston: Alfred Press.
Kaldera, R., & Tenpenny, J. (2011). Real Service. Morrisville: LuLu Enterprises.
Mallory, F. (n.d.). Dominant vs Master. Retrieved 12 28, 2011, from Steel Door: http://www.steel-door.com/Dominant_vs_Master.html
Nala. (2001). Domination. Retrieved 01 03, 2012, from http://www.leathernroses.com/domination/naladomination.htm
Payne, P. (1999). Sex Tips from a Dominatrix. New York: HarperCollins
Saber, L. (2001). What Makes A Good Dominant. Retrieved 01 10, 2012, from http://www.leathernroses.com/domination/sabergooddom.htm
Shadowborne, R. (1997). Characteristics of a Successful Dominant . Retrieved 12 20, 2011, from http://www.leathernroses.com/domination/domtraits.htm
TorqueDom. (2000). The Difference Between A Dominant & A Master. Retrieved 12 27, 2011, from http://www.leathernroses.com/domination/domandmaster.htm
Image References
Someone else's art deserves recognition! The images presented in this article were borrowed from the following places:
Header Image: Keeping it Kinky Original | Taken 2013
Image 1: http://i776.photobucket.com/albums/yy42/BriannaMarley/blackwhitecouplenudephotographys-1.jpg | Retrieved January 19, 2012