Characteristics of Successful Submissives
Many things contribute to being a good submissive and it is a personal evolution that occurs within each submissive. How far a person gets into the submissive role is a choice only they can make but often this journey needs the steady hand of a dominant. Finding the right person to help make that journey can really complete the road for a submissive but there are certain characteristics that are found in many successful submissives.
Every Dominant prefers to be served in a different way dependent on their personal style and needs. A submissive engaged in a D/s relationship should be sensitive to the needs of their Dominant and take the time to explore those needs and preferences (Krause, 2001).
A good submissive should be self aware. They should be able to accept and admit their faults as well as their strengths and be honest about their limitations. The ability to communicate effectively also plays a huge role in the success of a submissive; the communication does not always need to be verbal (Shadowborne, Characteristics of a Successful Submissive, 2004). Your ability to express your desires as well as your struggles will help you build a closer bond with your dominant and create a more satisfying play experience.
A common mistake many green submissives make is to present themselves as the most intense, no limit slave while giving a list of their fantasies. A good submissive demonstrates some humility. Everyone makes mistakes and submissives are no exception. Humility is important to be able to admit one’s own mistakes as well as minimize arrogance (Shadowborne, Characteristics of a Successful Submissive, 2004). Arrogance is unattractive in many situations and is off putting to many Dominants. It is important to know what your limits are and be honest if you do not know. Submissives who present themselves as having no limits at all can be a red flag that that person may not be safe to play with or that they have no experience or BDSM knowledge.
A submissive should be malleable in personality and attitude for their Dominant (Kaldera & Tenpenny, 2009). Ultimately the most important characteristics of a successful submissive are the characteristics valued by the Dominant of the relationship. As a submissive, you should be willing to bend to the will of your dominant. This is one of the most important characteristics of lifestyle, or 24/7, submissives. For those only engaging casual play scenes where the BDSM relationship is not as serious or committed, this is a less important aspect.
Recommended Reading
If you are wanting to learn more about being a submissive, the following books have been reviewed by Keeping it Kinky and among our recommended reading on this topic.
Article References
Dictionary.com. (2012). submission . Retrieved 06 10, 2012, from Dictionary.com: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/submission?s=t
Kaldera, R., & Tenpenny, J. (2009). Dear Raven & Joshua: Questions & Answers about M/s Relationships. Hubbardston: Alfred Press.
Kneer, J. (1995). Rights Of A Submissive. Retrieved 06 30, 2012, from Leather Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/subrightsa.htm
Krause, M. (2001). Training Every Sub/Slave Needs. Retrieved 07 4, 2012, from Leather Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/krausetrainslave.htm
Masters, P. (1998). Understanding Submission. Retrieved 06 14, 2012, from Peter Masters -BDSM-: http://www.peter-masters.com/wiki/index.php/Understanding_Submission
Shadowborne, R. (2004). Characteristics of a Successful Submissive. Retrieved 07 04, 2012, from Leather Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/subtraits.htm
Shadowborne, R. (1997). What Is Submission?. Retrieved 06 12, 2012, from Leather Roses: http://www.leathernroses.com/submission/whatissub.htm
Tied Moments. (2001). Submission. Retrieved 06 15, 2012, from TiedMoments.com: http://www.tiedmoments.com/submission/submission.htm
Image References
Someone else's art deserves recognition! The images presented in this article were borrowed from the following places:
Header Image: https://thesubmissionofelle.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/cropped-yes02.jpg | Retrieved April 20, 2015
Image 3: http://static.rateyourmusic.com/lk/f/s/04f047f346bf419c851f2bb6206c9e3f/1155824.jpg | Retrieved July 4, 2012